Last week Serguei Chervachidze and Dana Liss tackled the blissful topic of weddings. Serguei argued that the Western version is over the top, putting too much emphasis on long-term planning (and long-term debt). Dana countered that the Ukrainian registry version misses the point. This week’s winner is Bill Penoyar, who wins lunch at War and Peace.

From a father’s perspective who has two daughters of marriageable age, I agree 100 percent with Serguei. I suspect my wife and daughters would more likely agree with Dana’s perspective. I think this is one item where men and women will always have very different perspectives.

I have a cousin who married a girl whose family believed in big weddings. The father of the bride spent well over $10,000 for the event. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last out the honeymoon, because the girl announced to her new husband that during the planning, she had fallen in love with the caterer. I think her family disowned her soon after the annulment.

My wife and I co-financed our wedding reception for around $1,000 and have been happily married for over 20 years. We both have strong religious convictions and were married in a church. I think if young couples have similar convictions, they should also get married in the church of their choice. But if they don’t, the Wedding Palace will work just fine. Time and energy should be invested in finding the right mate and getting started in marriage with a little financial security, not an expensive ceremony and reception.

– Bill Penoyar

As a Ukrainian marrying an American this upcoming October, I am currently organizing two wedding ceremonies: a church wedding in Ukraine and a reception in the States. My impression is that there are more similarities than differences when it comes to wedding preparations.

Undeniably, the U.S. wedding will be more expensive and the attention to detail greater. But when it comes to respecting tradition, observing rituals and doing the right thing, Ukrainian culture is as demanding and meticulous as American. I am not talking about the Soviet legacy of ZAGS ceremonies. I mean the REAL Ukrainian wedding, the kind that treasures centuries-old traditions and lasts three days. The bargaining for the bride, the blessing by the parents, the right korovay (traditional bread), the right rushnyk (embroidered towel to stand on in front of the altar), the hour-and-a-half long choir-accompanied church ceremony, endless toasts, the first waltz, the ritual of removing the bride’s veil, kidnapping the bride during the reception – that’s more tradition than America ever knew.

In both counties, a wedding is the reunion of family and friends, and another similarity is that the reception will last as long as there’s alcohol in the bar and inevitably end in drunken chaos – as it certainly should.

– Mariana Budjeryn

Frankly, I am quite surprised by this week’s topic. Not having attended any Western weddings, I thought it is we Ukrainians who are notorious for wasting fortunes on the “right” wedding ceremony, or party – or both. I agree that the registration process can make newlyweds uncomfortable, but that’s not all. People nowadays do go to churches – because it’s trendy; they do throw huge parties – because it’s “tradition.” People do get divorced, regardless of how expensive the bride’s dress was or how many people got drunk at their wedding. And I am sure this is true for either side of the Atlantic.

– Alexander Shabotenko

I have been to one respectable Kyiv wedding and one respectable Kyiv funeral, so far. If I were planning to get married or to get buried, and had an option other than having it done in the Kyiv tradition, I would go for it. I’m sorry, but both procedures were strikingly similar, and equally sickening.

The buildings themselves have much in common in their architecture and in their sterile insides. I’m not very sure, but I think the emcee for both occasions was the same babushka. Yes, it looks very much like a Ford assembly line – or a disassembly line, in one case. Both procedures have an elaborate ritual – and then, off you go with a sigh of relief, making way for the next crowd.

– Nastie Leonova

Serguei and Dana are both off the mark though they both had made some good points. All too often, the union of two people is hammered into a designed mold under pressure from friends, families, or tradition, but in the last 10 years I have observed changes in the way couples approach their weddings. The trend I am seeing is that they want to have the spirit of the union reflect their love and devotion to each other. How they do that is up to the couple’s imagination. I attended a Florida wedding in beach attire with the ceremony being performed on the beach as the sun was setting. Too many times the couple has had no or little control over this special event – and that is certainly no way to start out their married life.

– Robert Reed

Your discussion reminded me of an anecdote: What is the difference between the average American and the average Frenchman? – The former has 10 wives and no lovers, while the latter has one wife and 10 lovers. Now tell me who has more fun in his life? As for me the answer is obvious: the Frenchman. Do you know why? Because it’s not only a matter of money or common sense; it’s a matter of good taste. So let’s follow Frenchman’s example: Let’s spend money not on wedding ceremonies and the bunch of people who are considered our relatives and friends, but on the women we love.

– Igor Bogatsky

I don’t think it’s important whether it’s a Western-style marriage or Ukrainian. The attitude of the couple toward it and their feelings are what really matter. It’s their own choice how much money and how much time they spend on all this stuff. I think that we should take the meticulous preparation from the Western-style marriage and put it together with the meaning and attitude of the Ukrainian version.

– Dmytro Stulinetz

Suppose that before getting married, you and your husband- or wife-to-be find yourselves on a desert island. Should you legalize your relationship? And how are you going to do it? There are no ZAGS or churches, friends and parties on the island, and you can’t spend any money on the ceremony.

You begin to understand the most important thing is the mutual promise. The most important thing is the desire to become a single whole, a family, to get used to the word “we,” to take care of each other, and always to act in your chosen one’s interests.