Photo by Andrew Horb

The Post's favorite long shot

If the Best Of team wanted fresh air, cleanliness, godliness and customer service, we wouldn’t be here. We’d be off working in Switzerland for the Zurich Post.

Besides loving Ukraine and Ukrainians, we’re here in Kyiv because we like a challenge, and we love variety. The Best Of team does it all: opera, ballet, corporate shindigs, casinos and clubs.

But let’s be honest. For all our schmoozing among the elite crowd, the Best Of team just can’t shake its proletarian roots. Yes, we seamlessly blend in with the country’s powerbrokers. But the minute we’ve worked the room, eaten our fill and are sure no one’s looking, we set down our champagne and orange juice and make a beeline for our favorite dive bar. Over-the-hill, loathsome and cheap – we just can’t get enough.

Among the best is one of the most central: Kupidon on Pushkinska. Dingy and decidedly downtrodden, this downstairs dive at first appears to be a Best Of natural.

But a prerequisite for a dive bar is that it must be available – and Kupidon is not that. Because it is centrally located, has billiards and offers live guitar music – the cafe fills up quickly. At any time other than a Tuesday morning, don’t count on getting a seat. No self-respecting dive-bar waitress is going to welcome you with open arms, but she shouldn’t be shooing you out the door, either.

A more spacious, more eclectic dive is Oleksandria on Sahaydachnoho near Poshtova ploshchad. A dive it is – with faded murals, threadbare carpets and more plastic plants than you can shake a stick at (or beat back). But Oleksandria tries to hard to be everything to everybody. The menu is a globetrotter’s dream and a gourmet’s nightmare – including everything from Ukrainian to seafood to barbecue to Thai dishes. Worse are the prices; Oleksandria serves Hr 50 entrees as well as premium (and premium-priced) alcohol, which sends the majority of the dive crowd scurrying out the door.

Luckily, there is a place to run to.

Welcome to Superbowl – the Best Of team’s dive bar champion. Located at 4 Chekhovsky not far from Zolota Vorota metro, Superbowl is a seven-year veteran of the Kyiv entertainment scene, and one that’s seen better days. It still boasts all the National Football League paraphernalia that was once the pride of its football-loving owner, but let’s just say that nothing’s been updated in a long, long, long time. Our cigarette-smoking waitress informed us that the only games Super Bowl broadcasts these days are those that “the boys” bring in on cassette from time to time.

But this dive still possesses the crusty charm of a Super Bowl champ. The music ranges from muzak to funk and, though mainly a neighborhood bar, outsiders are grudgingly welcomed. We don’t know what the likes of football commentator John Madden would think of the Russian comedies on the television or the Ukrainian-heavy menu – including Hr 6 potato pancakes and pints of Ukrainian draft beer for Hr 3 and Stella Artois for Hr 6. But certainly he would approve of the framed-photo of for Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson showing off two Super Bowl rings with the caption: “Only two more and I’d have my own set of brass knuckles.” We also think Madden would appreciate the never-say-die attitude of Kyiv’s best dive bar.